Silences, patience and respecting the voices and narratives of our children

This past Friday evening (November 22, 2013), I had the great pleasure of sharing ‘the stage’ with my son and spouse when we read from our collaborative chapter that appears at the end of Chasing Rainbows: Exploring Gender Fluid Parenting Practices (http://www.demeterpress.org/chasingrainbows.html). The evening of readings for the Chasing Rainbows launch in Toronto, Ontario were given by several contributors to the collection and offered me the opportunity to again learn the lesson of how important it is to listen to and honour what people, particularly our children, are willing to share with others.

The gathering at Playful Grounds (http://www.playfulgrounds.com/) hosted over 60 people, including academics, activists, family, friends, parents and grandparents. There were many children who ranged in age from a couple of years to those in their twenties. The cacophony of voices rose before and after the readings, yet were silent as each of the 8 authors presented their understanding and experiences of gender fluidity.

I found myself especially attentive to the voices of my twenty-something year old son and partner/his father as they spoke about their experiences of gender creativity within our family. While I know each of their written narratives well, in part because we wrote them together and I’m a co-editor of the book, I learned of the immense desire my husband had to protect our son when he was younger and was expressing his gender in ways that others found confusing and threatening. I was also reminded of my son’s strong public speaking skills and good humour as he drew the audience in with his easy conversational style and impassioned reading.

As I listened to my family and to the other authors that evening, I could see the courage it takes to speak one’s truth, no matter what it may be and no matter how often it may have been spoken before. I was reminded of how the power of the voice of the one who has lived the experience is far greater than a story told secondhand by another.

Each one of us, including our children, have much to share when given the space, time and gift of trusting and patient listeners. Just imagine the knowledge we can all gain from the insight and wisdom of all of our lives when told by ourselves, rather than by others.