Kids CAN live at home: it’s not a mocking matter!
Shifting the discussion back to parenting leads me to reflect on some of the things we parents say to each other that we probably–or perhaps– shouldn’t. Recently, I have come to resent others passing judgement on the living arrangements my family has chosen. I have two children over eighteen, both still living at home. Lately, several acquaintances have asked if it is difficult still having my kids home.
At first I was surprised by what I have come to consider an invasive or intrusive question about how my family lives. I have been even more surprised when people elaborate. One woman said,”I was raised in the American way. There everyone sends their kids away to college as soon as they finish high school. You hit eighteen and you’re out–just part of the middle-class culture there. It’s good. It really makes kids grow up.”
Another mom of young adult children just older than mine said,”We raised our kids to get out. It was just part of the expectation. We wanted them, but then we wanted them out. We support them financially, of course.”
There’s no question that living with adult children comes with challenges, because rights and boundaries are always being revised and re-established. No one is going to be sent to their room. No one has privileges to lose. To get along requires the exercise of transparent rules of civility. Sometimes elbows get in the way. But living as a family has a core of joy.
It is somewhat astonishing to me that a family’s decision to share accommodations is seen as an open season social topic. We recognize plurality and diversity as part of our lives. We attempt to cultivate acceptance of many social practices.
I think that when adult children live at home with their parents, this decision - like others we take in life–should be treated with respect, and not seen as somehow open to potshots and mockery–not taken for granted as being a funny a failure to launch scenario.
At first I was surprised by what I have come to consider an invasive or intrusive question about how my family lives. I have been even more surprised when people elaborate. One woman said,”I was raised in the American way. There everyone sends their kids away to college as soon as they finish high school. You hit eighteen and you’re out–just part of the middle-class culture there. It’s good. It really makes kids grow up.”
Another mom of young adult children just older than mine said,”We raised our kids to get out. It was just part of the expectation. We wanted them, but then we wanted them out. We support them financially, of course.”
There’s no question that living with adult children comes with challenges, because rights and boundaries are always being revised and re-established. No one is going to be sent to their room. No one has privileges to lose. To get along requires the exercise of transparent rules of civility. Sometimes elbows get in the way. But living as a family has a core of joy.
It is somewhat astonishing to me that a family’s decision to share accommodations is seen as an open season social topic. We recognize plurality and diversity as part of our lives. We attempt to cultivate acceptance of many social practices.
I think that when adult children live at home with their parents, this decision - like others we take in life–should be treated with respect, and not seen as somehow open to potshots and mockery–not taken for granted as being a funny a failure to launch scenario.
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