Mommy Blog Lines: Tal(k)ing Care

Hi all: We hope to find some of our new blogging friends here and there on blog sites. Where are you J.C. Little -- what wonderful feminist/family animated work you do.Still, I wonder if anyone has ever been hurt by how you make them look, even if you think you have made them "pretty." This is the case with offensive words often, isn’t it? I have thought I said something that showcased the good side of a person, and they have pulled me up short by objecting, "Not me!" The first person we met at breakfast was Diana . How are you? Blogging busily and happily, we hope! Let’s connect on here, too–hear from you again! I love the irony of your blog title re momming being painless, when we know all too well the many pains and labours it provokes! But irony takes it, along with a long view and perhaps optimism! Then we met two charming mommy bloggers just toward the end of our conference–was it late Saturday? Shout out to Samantha and Allie , with thanks for your

Oh my! Where has the time gone in the 2 1/2 months since we attended BlogHer12 in NYC? We are hopeful that you will join us in , where Jaqueline and I were at the "Mom, Stop Blogging About Me" workshop. Panelists Mary McCarthy, Stephanie Mullen and Tanis Miller introduced their experiences of unpredicted circumstances related to their blogs about their children to a small audience of mommy and daddy bloggers on Friday morning. After some entertaining and some heart wrenching stories about the fall out from posting information about themselves or about their children, questions were taken from the audience. We had the chance to talk with some moms afterwards about how they make the decisions of what and when to post about themselves and their children.

Hi F! What surprised me most about BlogHer 2012? Not beautiful, crowded hot summertime New York. I realized that a big blogging conference was made enjoyable for me because I went with a friend or companion– hey, that's a compliment to you! But here’s the critical observation: There was not enough content or programming, I don't think. Did we miss something? There were the halls, and we saw several interactive presentations. But I think they needed more workshops and presentations. What do you think? OR what surprised you most about BlogHer as an event? J

What if somehow I find out my favourite mommy blogger has no children. She writes about Heather and David in all sorts of scrapes and escapes. And then, I find out that no such kids (issue of pseudonyms aside) exist. BUT, you might say, if that were the case–if a mommy blogger were "posing" as a mommy–you’d just never find out.[ I might use the term "lying" here, but I think it’s too strong? There may be echoes of the James Frey debacle at work – where he claimed to be an addict and criminal, but turned out to be mostly a writer! One of the features of cyberspace is that we are not likely to get the opportunity to match pixels to pictures. Liars can just go on lying, unless... When I read a blog about momming, I often wonder who the writer is–what does she like, look like, where does she live? I recently read a scholarly discussion about how the internet and virtual reality really promote this sort of thinking and wondering. All you know about me are these let

Hi all: We hope to find some of our new blogging friends here and there on blog sites. Where are you J.C. Little--what wonderful feminist/family animated work you do.Still, I wonder if anyone has ever been hurt by how you make them look, even if you think you have made them "pretty." This is the case with offensive words often, isn’t it? I have thought I said something that showcased the good side of a person, and they have pulled me up short by objecting, "Not me!" The first person we met at breakfast was Diana. How are you? Blogging busily and happily, we hope! Let’s connect on here, too–hear from you again! I love the irony of your blog title re momming being painless, when we know all too well the many pains and labours it provokes! But irony takes it, along with a long view and perhaps optimism! Then we met two charming mommy bloggers just toward the end of our conference–was it late Saturday? Shout out to Samantha and Allie, with thanks for your willin

Greetings! It’s been a while since we've posted, but we’re back with some exciting news. We’ve been a little silent on our blog in the past because we’ve been thinking about the balance between sharing experiences and asking questions with respecting the autonomy of those who we may be talking about. We started our blog with a naive interest in sharing family stories. We quickly learned that to tell these stories meant telling on family members who might not always appreciate being talked about. To help us reflect on this ethical itch, we attended the BlogHer12 conference in NYC earlier this month. While it was immensely interesting and informative, it did not help us to resolve or find a resolution. Some speakers were carefully picking their way along the high road like Deb Rox, when she spoke about her commitment to guiding "the blogosphere into respect" at a session called "Blogging the Fine Line between your Identity and the Issues". Other speakers lik

Hey SS. I’ve been thinking about how the reviews of Elisabeth Badinter’s latest book The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women which, as the Globe and Mail reports today, has caused "a motherlode of debate" ( http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/advice/more-advice/a-motherlode-of-debate ), and how there has been a fierce backlash in the press against her ideas, often by mothers and feminists. What is fascinating to me is the little analysis that’s offered about the minimal space and accommodation that’s made within capitalism and labour force arrangements for working parents, most particularly for mothers, to do the work of parenting. If families, and more specifically the lives and well-being of children, were at the center of our culture’s values and social mores, I believe the attention and work of parenting would be respected in a way that would translate into the respect and care for mothers that currently does not exist, and what I b

Dearest FFF: Thank you for your thoughtful words. I LOVE the phrase same and different–for everything, actually (although generated to explain postmodern creativity). Our experiences are so much the same and different too. Thanks also for the book reference in particular–must fetch it!. I think for me the point that I take from your comments is the reminder that rather than rushing to harsh self judgement, one must see what one does in its positive potential. Caring too much has a down side, but may also open windows! Yes, yes! ( I am not a traditional person, but find I turn the light of traditional or conventional norms on myself all the time. This– I am starting to see–may be an Interesting strategy for always having a little sting on hand!!) Here is another troublesome thing I have caught myself at–long story short, an adult child friend of a daughter’s was living at home at age 30, working, not paying rent, and I had nerve to offer comment re “time to leave!” But the larger m

As spring continues to bless us with its often warm and then chilly weather, I’m aware of my own thoughts about the threads you offered in your last two posts SS. I agree that there's a connection between how we reflect upon and write about questions of gender and identity and whether / how a child / person is out or not. I suggest that there is a need to always respect all of the folks who are part of a story, given that our lives are interconnected. And while some of the story may be ours, it is still partly, and possibly mostly, the story of the folks coming out. The conversations between and among folks about gender identity are perhaps more honourable when they are shared in private before any public presentation is made. I realize that there are times when this isn’t possible due to various reasons, however, I still believe that the experiences of all should be respected. Your insight into how students write about their parents in a familial autobiography and how they cam

Truth is (I fear!) I’d do anything for my daughters. I just found out I did not put in a winning bid on a condo they wanted, that I offered to buy to rent to them. I was prepared to go for broke for it! I would have paid every last cent – actually jumped into debt! That is not fluid, but obsessive! I have found my thread: It’s hard to know when we pass the line of reasonable care and move into besotted devotion. It’s hard for me, anyway. Ah that phrase: live and learn! And then, once you pass over that line once, there you wondering without enough self-sense. Once you pass over, do you come back?

Hello and happy Easter FFF: Here is a thought, offered late on a sunny Thursday afternoon. What if we reflect on how this process of writing about adult children and questions of gender and identity differs (yet coalesces, too) depending if the "child" is out or not. If my child is out, is it my right / duty / even obligation to use my rhetorical and writing skills to explore and make known this process and experience. Is this implied by being "out." Or are there still areas that are not open, where there needs to be an exercise of discretion, where it is x's story and not mine. Alternately, if my children are not out–if they are having troubles with identity and growth-to what degree do I owe them silence? I cannot tell their stories as if they are mine? This term studying autobio / memoir I had students write about their parents–a familial autobiography. I wanted them to see/feel viscerally the effects of "telling about / on" others. Of course

Welcome back SUS and happy belated new year! FFF here. Thanks for your sharing your thoughts and questions in your last post on ethics and blogging and relational identity. You’ve offered me, and others I expect, a lot to think about. Coincidentally, I too have been thinking about the complexities and realities of speaking about our children, our struggles with parenting and balancing our personal privacy, the privacy of our children, and the need to find support as parents. I realize that as our children mature and age into and through adulthood, the issues may become more serious, complicated, and socially stigmatized, which also adds to the challenge of finding ways to continue to parent while also finding support in the practices of parenting that we choose to engage in, not engage in, or disengage from. I also expect that there is a difference in the decision and outcome of sharing stories orally and sharing stories through the written word. Verbally confiding in another pers

Witnessing... This hasn't left me – the concept of having responsibility to listen to things that disturb. It is related to notions of individual privacy and relational identity. AND to storying the self–we are not Dr. Jekyll only, but also Mr. Hyde – trying to be in the light all the time is a bad act. If you have something difficult to tell, and I won’t listen, it is in a way me saying that I hold myself above the trouble. Any thoughts about witnessing? I am new to this and fascinated!!

ethics and blogging and relational identity SUS here – been away awhile, but am all in now: time to look at mom blogs and see how art / sociability / education and commerce all come together. Rich mix. How to talk about the self when to do so implicates others?. How to talk about family when to do so violates their right to privacy? I imagine all mommy bloggers think long and return often to this troublesome matter. When we speak about children, the need for ethical guardianship is even stronger. When I wrote an article about daughters, including mine, I read that this was relatively infrequent – that daughters often write about mothers and children write about parents. For moms to write about children is at the heart of mothering studies, but I wonder if there is resitance to it on many fronts because it is conceptually transgressive ie., moms are not supposed to "tell on" children (I borrowed the phrase to "tell on" from Maxine Hong Kingston’s daughter-writer

Mommy blogging has increasingly become of interest to mainstream media, with CBC Radio One’s Sunday Edition featuring a documentary this past Sunday, January 8, 2012, "Monetizing Mommy-hood" by Ira Basen, which can be heard at http://www.cbc.ca/video/news/audioplayer.html?clipid=2184262802 . The show is promoted in this way: "When mommy blogging began, the idea was that young mothers could create a virtual network with each other and exchange ideas. Then someone realized that there was big money to be made in the marketing of the mommy bloggers. In one case, a blogger in Utah has more than 100,000 visitors to her blog every day. The idea has taken off across Canada and the U.S." Of interest to me is how attention, while somewhat critical of the ability of mommy bloggers are able to speak their minds, the conflict of interest and the issues of authenticity, is not as focused on the mommyblogger who is interested in developing or being part of a community rather t

Happy New Year! I always feel optimistic at the beginning of each day, each week, each month, and each year. I wonder what lessons wait for me and how I may respond to the uncertainties and challenges of life. I realized over the recent holiday season while visiting with family and friends that speaking openly about gender fluidity, in this particular case of folks doing drag, helps to both normalize those choices, and also open up space for others to ask questions that help them understand the choices that others make, as well as their own ideas, preconceived notions, and judgments about gender fluid expressions. From this conversation I again realized that when people don’t know about something they become fearful and judgmental. While I don’t often make new year’s resolutions, I am committed to trying to be open to other people’s understandings and to sharing my own perspectives and knowledge in ways that are respectful and honest. I will sign off by wishing everyone a peacefu