Mommy Blog Lines: Tal(k)ing Care

This past Friday evening (November 22, 2013), I had the great pleasure of sharing ‘the stage’ with my son and spouse when we read from our collaborative chapter that appears at the end of Chasing Rainbows: Exploring Gender Fluid Parenting Practices ( http://www.demeterpress.org/chasingrainbows.html ). The evening of readings for the Chasing Rainbows launch in Toronto, Ontario were given by several contributors to the collection and offered me the opportunity to again learn the lesson of how important it is to listen to and honour what people, particularly our children, are willing to share with others. The gathering at Playful Grounds ( http://www.playfulgrounds.com/ ) hosted over 60 people, including academics, activists, family, friends, parents and grandparents. There were many children who ranged in age from a couple of years to those in their twenties. The cacophony of voices rose before and after the readings, yet were silent as each of the 8 authors presented their understand...

The challenge of being a mother of older children is huge. It makes me mad to contemplate all the mocking media portraits of mom–interfering mothers-in-law, mothers who phone to pester–people to be avoided, so that their phone messages are ignored or they are asked to cut short a visit, presumably as payback for their annoying ways. Younger people must make these movies, I guess. And I guess they find their moms cloying. hard to dodge, guilty of being repetitive, lost in the past and imposing unreasonably high expectations. To lose mom is to grow up. Yet, I know lots of nice and sensitive moms of older children. They love their kids and willingly let them go on to live lives; they try to find constructive ways to fit in and stay part of lives that grow forward and away. What a painful process. Of course, it’s natural and the point must be to learn grace in acceptance. But it’s not simply funny that the very person you were charged with helping and watching becomes the person you mus...

When initially reading the headline “How I Lost 125 pounds: I was going to die young and not be around for my son” in last Thursday’s Friday’s Life & Arts section of the Globe and Mail, ( http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/how-i-lost-125-pounds-i-wanted-to-become-the-mother-my-son-deserves/article15298943/ ), I thought I would be reading yet another article about how a mother had been inspired to lose weight by finally caving into the the idealized image of woman and mother. But I was pleasantly surprised to learn that it was mama Leigh’s relationship with her 3-year-old son that was the impetus for her 125-pound weight loss. What was refreshing in this narrative was the mom’s focus on her own experiences without disclosing personal details about her family. Realizing that she was missing out on both fun and quality time with her son because she couldn’t keep up with her active boy, she embarked on the challenge of changing her diet and exercise progra...

Everyone will go through some hard times at some point. Life isn’t easy. Just something to think about…Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are often the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the 3 hardest things to say are I love you, I’m sorry, and Help me. Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile and see how much pain they may be in. To all my friends who are going through some issues right now–Let’s start an intention avalanche. We all need positive intentions right now. If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand. May I ask my friends wherever you might be, to kindly copy and paste this status for one hour to give a moment of support to all those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just need to know that s...

Shifting the discussion back to parenting leads me to reflect on some of the things we parents say to each other that we probably–or perhaps– shouldn’t. Recently, I have come to resent others passing judgement on the living arrangements my family has chosen. I have two children over eighteen, both still living at home. Lately, several acquaintances have asked if it is difficult still having my kids home. At first I was surprised by what I have come to consider an invasive or intrusive question about how my family lives. I have been even more surprised when people elaborate. One woman said,”I was raised in the American way. There everyone sends their kids away to college as soon as they finish high school. You hit eighteen and you’re out–just part of the middle-class culture there. It’s good. It really makes kids grow up.” Another mom of young adult children just older than mine said,”We raised our kids to get out. It was just part of the expectation. We wanted them, but then we wan...