The Other Side (Josi Denise Response)

                The response to mom blogger Josi Denise’s statements on why she chose to end her blogging practice (discussed in the previous post) from other bloggers was mostly negative with many taking offence to both what she said and how she said it. I’ve selected counter points, from a handful of those that chose to respond with their own posts, that I found to be both interesting and productive as they coincide with the discussion of some of the benefits to online communication and interaction brought up by digital media scholar Mary Chayko in Portable Communities: The Social Dynamics of Online and Mobile Connectedness. 

                Many took issue with Denise applying her criticisms to all mom bloggers in general. They felt that although some of what she talks about does happen (and within all blogging genres), lumping mom bloggers together as if they are all the same is unfair. Also stating that they, as well as many others, do not engage in the behaviours she described in their own blogging practice.

Carl Bainbridge from AParentsPerspective.ca discussed the importance of blogger integrity when posting sponsored content in “Someone Tried to Throw MommyBloggers Under the Bus (And Blew It)”:

My blog is like any other job I do.  It helps to pay my bills, it puts food on the table and as such I have to do my job properly.  I do not sneak, I do not cheat.  I write honestly because if my review is a lie, then the reader loses their trust in me.  If my readers lose trust in me, then my blog is toast.  

Jill from RippedJeansAndBifocals.com brought up authentic online identity in “I’m A MommyBlogger and I Effing Like It”:

People do “read my shit” and like it. I don’t dabble in the world of product review that much but I have taken on some paid work for brands who want to get their products in front of my audience. I’ve written about everything from bladder supports to frozen yogurt to cheese in a voice that’s…well, my voice. My real voice. Sponsored work and ads help fund the cost of running my website and allow my family to have some nice things we couldn’t have if I didn’t blog. I have zero shame about that. 

                In chapter two of Portable Communities: The Social Dynamics of Online and Mobile Connectedness titled “Thinking in Tandem: Cognitive Connectedness” author Mary Chayko explains the development of online communities and how it is that we can collectively mentally perceive a shared non-physical space in which genuine relationships can flourish. 

                Before summarizing this chapter here are some of Chayko’s key terms:

Symbols: “…visual or verbal or aural representations of other things… [that serve] to bring a similar image of a group to the minds of its physically dispersed members” (Chayko, 18).

Sociomental Space: “… the cognitive analog to physical space. It is a kind of mental habitat where portable communities ‘gather’ and where cyberspace can be said to be situated” (Chayko, 22). 

Mental Maps: “… multisensory topological representations of our physical and social worlds, consisting not only of mental images but sounds, smells, tastes, and feelings. We use them, for example, to situate in our minds whoever is above or below us in a hierarchy, who is warm or cool to us emotionally, and with whom we feel close or distant” (Chayko, 23).

Cyberspace: “…the set of all the individual and group mental maps created in cyber-communities; a real, if mental, place created in the joint delineation of hierarchies and networks and social bonds by members of such groups. It is created in the collective stream of thoughts, responses, information, feelings, and rushes of energy that are endlessly exchanged whenever people come together online” (Chayko, 24).

Inter-subjectivity: “…assuming that others think about things more or less as we do unless we are presented with specific evidence to the contrary. We do this unconsciously, effortlessly” (Chayko, 25).

Cognitive Resonance: “When people establish common ground or share a social world together, they may find that they ‘resonate’ in a special way with certain others. Cognitive resonance is the kind of interpersonal closeness we talk about when we say that certain people ‘click’ –that they enjoy a special ‘spark’ or ‘vibe,’ or are ‘on the same wavelength’” (Chayko, 26).

Social Presence: “…the degree to which others in distant or mediated interactions, and our relationships with them, are seen as salient…, social presence can be thought of as the degree to which a person is perceived as ‘really there’ in a technologically mediated setting” (Chayko, 37). 

                According to Chayko online communities function much the same as those in the outside world and can lead to equally significant and generative social activity, which in turn can result in relationships as valid and beneficial as those you have with your “real life” friends. Chayko explains how someone’s physical presence is not a necessity for building a relationship as connecting with others is a cognitive activity. As people come to identify with a given group, their association to this group is solidified through the use of things like symbols and/or rituals that form and maintain the group’s identity over time. Chayko uses names, images, linguistic markers, and other graphic elements like logos/banners or webpage style as examples of the types of symbols that can be found in online communities (19). Chayko says that people, regardless of their physical locations, can meet in these socio-mental spaces (like a website or online discussion thread) which become the background of social interactions and the place where group connections can be built and sustained. Communities and entire social worlds can form online within these spaces as we continuously mentally map our virtual environments. Within these communities, individuals can potentially find others that they cognitively resonate with, forming a strong bond. Chayko states that inter-subjectivity is a pre-requisite to cognitive resonance as “intersubjectivity, assuming and then building these common understandings, allows us to build up a common stock of knowledge, to find common ground… [and] our social worlds are built on the presumption and creation of common ground (Chayko, 26). According to Chayko technology is bringing us together by increasing our access to others in the world, our communities are no longer limited by geographical location or by temporal constraints.  

Chayko mentions the social activity within blogging specifically in the following passage:

We impose orderliness onto life through the telling of stories…the rise of the web as a participatory technology has resulted in an avalanche of storytelling online, in social networking spaces, blogs, podcasts, vodcasts, wikis, and any number of websites …Just as cohesiveness and order is brought to seemingly scattered, unconnected messages and ideas in storytelling, so can cohesiveness be brought to our own identities as we give them text and voice and then share them with others. Online and mobile technologies help foster our love and need for narrative. Personal blogs fill this bill nicely, providing platforms for us to create a story of a series of postings, photos, even videos. Often regularly updated, blogs permit a community of readers, large or small, to react to, comment on, and in effect add to the blogger’s story (Chayko, 31-32).

Several other bloggers brought up aspects of community, authentic relationships, and genuine support gained through their blogging work in response to Denise’s post. The way they describe the friendships and connections they’ve made reflects Chayko’s stance that online communication can be as genuine as in-person communication despite the differences. This is quite the opposite of Denise’s position, as she had stated that the mom blogging community is rife with insincerity, making it difficult if not impossible to form authentic connections with readers or other bloggers and therefore lacks the foundation to build a real sense of community. 

Jill (rippedjeansandbifocals.com), quoted earlier on in this post, also spoke about connecting with others online in her reply:

Blogging and writing gives me an outlet for the word jumble that spins in my head. It allows me to connect with people: to make them laugh, make them think and most of all, to make any parent out there, adoptive or otherwise, know that it’s okay to admit you struggle and have those “OMG I’m a sucky mom” kind of days.

Meredith from perfectionpending.net describes what blogging has meant for her: 

 It’s gotten me through some really hard times. It’s built true friendships. It’s helped me self-reflect in ways that I never would have before, and I get comments and personal messages and emails from readers all the time thanking me for making them feel less alone…Blogging is working. It’s building bridges, and lifting others up. It’s connecting people, and its inspiring good things. Even if all we’re doing is turning around and being better mothers, that’s important. And there are lots of amazing, smart, talented women who have mom blogs and who are amazingly raw, genuine, and REAL. It just means that for me, blogging has brought release, healing, comfort, and friendships. It’s saved me from dark, dark times struggling with anxiety and depression. And, I hope my words are saving others too.

Whether you agree with the overtly critical view of Josi Denise or the more optimistic assessment of others, both camps offer informative perspectives on the mom blogging industry and are decent examples for the debates on the essence of online communication and its potential going on within the study of digital media theory.

Sources: Chayko, Mary. Portable Communities: The Social Dynamics of Online and Mobile Connectedness. Albany: SUNY Press, 2008.