Mommy Blog Lines: Tal(k)ing Care

“Privacy” and “posting”–the words seem antithetical! Thinking about the ethics governing privacy rights forces us to raise the question: Can we blog about being moms about our families without telling family secrets? Isn’t it possible we say things now that might offend beloved family members later? “Mom, I never told you you could tell anyone about helping me get that morning after pill!” “Mom, my trouble with those girls was my story, not yours to share. If you refer to “Lisa,” everyone who finds this blog will know I got a mean note and that I couldn’t handle being bullied.” “Mom how dare you say we had to buy extra large underwear?” There are so many bans against telling. On the other hand, are we to be silent–back to the old days of being seen and not heard? G. One can argue that this is different, since we are deciding what to say and withhold. But being ethical seems to require a sort of self-censorship. What if the upshot/outcome is a return to gaping silences...?

As a first-timer to MIRCI conference (Pantages Hotel, Toronto, June 2013), I was unsure what to expect. Turns out that was a good attitude, since the conference was richly varied, with voices from many sectors, representing ages, sexualities and even values. Great thinking experience. The sort of prepatory work that would go into building this coalition of voices is amazing. Thanks to Andrea O’Reilly and the group of women who support the work of MIRCI and Demeter. http://www.motherhoodinitiative.org/ I am suprised to find the piece that I’m still mulling over had to do with media depictions of mothers and fathers–particularly how the cup runneth over with dumb, undisciplined dads. Anyone say Homer or Peter Griffin?? Oh: also completely grateful to the woman who spoke as gay mother, commenting on sure way to put out flames of mommy wars–her point being that as a gay person, feeling guilty is an imposition that is culturally based and naturalized, and that part of the daily work of ...

Last week we were at the MIRCI Mega Motherhood conference in Toronto ( http://www.motherhoodinitiative.org/MegaBookletFinalJune14.pdf ) where we made a brief presentation about this blog to about 30 feminists who’re interested in some of the concerns we have about parents blogging about the lives of their children and their families. The issues we raised at the conference are the same ones we’ve raised here on our blog, including the tension between how to honour the authenticity of women’s/mother’s/parents’ voices and experiences, while also honouring the privacy and lives of children and other family members. And like us, participants expressed the need for further discussion around these primary questions and how to engage bloggers to ask these questions of themselves and others prior to pressing the publish button. We extended our open invitation to those at the conference, just as we have to you meeting us here, to join this online discussion and engage in a dialogic approach...

I must admit I’m getting exited like a little kid before a much anticipated event ~ there are only two more sleeps until the MIRCI Mega Motherhood Conference begins in Toronto at the Pantages Hotel and Spa and runs until Wednesday, June the 26th. The Mega Motherhood Conference is really three conferences in one: “Academic Motherhood” and “Communicating Motherhood” and “Mothers and Work”. ( http://www.motherhoodinitiative.org/MegaLocal.pdf ) Jaque and I will be speaking about our blog and inviting conference participants to join in a discussion about our concerns about the ethics of mommy blogging and also inviting them to share their thoughts with us on our blog. Our presentation “Mommy Blogging and Deliberative Dialogic Ethics: Collecting Community Interaction” takes place on Tuesday from 11:15-12:45 ( http://www.motherhoodinitiative.org/JuneMegaSchedule.pdf ). We’d love to have you join in the discussion there or on our blog afterwards. And we look forward to reporting on our exp...

Since starting to think about the role of ethics in blogging, I have bumped into interesting applications of ethics in many different areas of life. I noted yesterday some really interesting work done on ethics and writing about Aboriginal People and Indigenous Studies, based on RCAP (Royal Commission on Aboriginal Peoples, 1992)–especially the paper by Marlene Brant Castellano (2004): “Ethics of Aboriginal Research.” [link] http://www.indigenous.ca/docs/ethics%20of%20aboriginal%20research.pdf As a wordsmith at heart, I was captivated by the term “developing an ethical regime.” At first, this sounded rather strict and even oppressive. Yet “regime” provides a useful alternative term to “practice,” for it does carry with it the notion of deliberative and corrective self-reflection. One’s practice is merely what one does, usually with no intention to change nor commitment to self-monitoring. Perhaps “regime” sounds a bit fierce, but it does move practice into the realm of performing ...

I continue to think about sharenting (parents who blog, tweet and post pictures about all aspects of their children’s lives without regard for the their children’s privacy – see previous post ). And at the moment I’m thinking about the potential link between sharenting and bullying, especially with today’s launch of new anti-bullying campaign by the Friend Movement . ERASE Bullying defines bulling as "a pattern of unwelcome or aggressive behaviour, often with the goal of making others uncomfortable, scared or hurt." It’s almost always used as a way of having control or power over their target, and it is often based on another person’s appearance, culture, race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender identity.” The Friend Movement wants to spread the message about friendship and encourage folks to be friends by taking a stand against bullying and by not practicing bullying behaviour. While most parents don’t blog about their children for the purpose of bull...

I’ve been thinking about the possible link between sexting (sending sexually explicit messages and/or photographs primarily between mobile phones) and sharenting (parents who blog, tweet and post pictures about all aspects of their children’s lives without regard for the their children’s privacy). Given the proclivity of some parents to post everything about the lives of their children on line, I expect that they are modelling a laissez faire attitude toward boundaries about what to post on line and what to keep private. In a Western culture and society that continually exploits the sexualization of girls and does not take seriously the sexual abuse and exploitation of girls and women, it’s no wonder that ‘tweens, teens and adult women cave to such pressure. And resistance to such pressure, I’m suggesting, may be more difficult when a girl’s parents, and most likely her mother, has been sharing the private elements of her daughter’s life through text and photos on line since she wa...