Mommy Blog Lines: Tal(k)ing Care

Years ago, Carol Gilligan put forward the thesis that women’s morality was centered on relational experiences and that men’s morality was based purely on autonomy. Her argument was challenged as over essentializing. Yet, here we are in 2014 and undeniably one of the main themes in literature, television, and popular culture that is aimed at a female audience are vampire narratives with female human heroines who learn about romantic love by loving vampiric males who, as non-humans, can’t love. Is it true that for women it’s about sorting out relationships and love and for men it’s about being concerned with right actions and living? Is it true that after all the feminist efforts to obtain/attain political equality there appears a residual difference between women and men? Within this genre, women seem to continue to have the burden to be concerned about healthy love and relationships, whereas men have the potential advantage of leaning on/learning from women’s work to educate them. ...

While being curious about the essay on gender equity by Beyoncé, I was more keenly drawn to Beyoncé’s video “4. Liberation” at the bottom of the post. I’m immediately hooked by her comment “just because you become a mother doesn’t mean you loose who you are” and then by her ability to speak honestly about the work it takes to get her focus, her dreams, and herself “back” after becoming a mother. She confesses that the time making her self-titled and newly released album Beyoncé was an “escape” where she could create her own world and fantasize about her life before she was caring for an infant child. Proud of losing the 60 pounds of weight she gained during her pregnancy, she asserts that “you can have a child, and you can work hard, and you can get your body back”. She also speaks honestly about how getting back into her body helped her find her sensuality. She’s proud of growing up through her experiences of pregnancy, birth and mothering, and says that it’s important to her to ex...

On Facebook today, there was a post about the new Pope’s brave reformation of the Catholic church, concluding by summarizing his position in the desirability and immanent dawning of the day when a woman could be Pope. It took someone else to point out to me that this was not real news, making me shake my head at the depth of my obtuseness–not reading this with instant recognition that it was internet hoax news. This is really interesting–news as not just selectively offered but imaginary. Who wants to be caught quoting Will Ferrell and his Anchorman, but here I go: news defined as the exercise of giving people not what they need to know but what they want to know. In this case we hear of a third Vatican council completing the work of Vatican 2. Utopia of sharing and tolerance. When I first read this all-good / great-news announcement,I simply accepted it as news.Then I noted the corrective comment about the announcement being created internet story–virtual world news. The point of disc...

How many Christmas times do we get in our lives–only one a year. So a limited number! I feel regretful to feel relieved this one is over. It should be a milestone to celebrate. And here I am admitting to wanting to get through it and past it . Not so good. When our kids are young and little, winter holiday times are like the Christmas tree–we can decorate the days to our hearts’ content. We can go to as many concerts and events as we like, and really make something of it. There are magical nutcrackers, villages for Santa, dancing deer. When they are older and more cynical and world weary, the animation freezes, magic leaves and many of the doors are shut. Of course there are other ways to celebrate. Of course, the best antidote is as always to find ways to to turn your hands to doing for others. But I think it’s a good idea before switching expectations and actions to reflect on loss as well as gain, to have a real sense of what time passing and holidays mean rather than rushing to...

We knew we were in trouble when blogger Natasha Olivera describes her angst about raising boys in a culture that appears to be more ‘girly-girl’ than manly — and declares she wants her boys to learn how to “screw a damn screw”. [link]  http://stumblesthroughparenthood.com/2012/01/12/teen-boys-watching-porn-boys-will-be-boys/ When she suspects her younger son of viewing porn on line, she announces to the blog world that it’s her story to tell as she’s the one who has made the discovery. She describes in some detail casing out her son’s computer viewing history after her suspicion has been raised and reports discovering he has accessed a number of listed pornographic websites. Although she’s happy to tell the blogging world and readers about confirming her suspicions and having an open relationship with her sons about sexuality, she never challenges her son about his viewing habits. After explaining her own attitudes and beliefs about the role of pornography in the development...

The world of blogging and parenting books is not heavily populated with advice or revealing narratives about the experiences of parents still committed to “raising ” adult children. For the first few months of the upcoming new year, we’re going to delve into the challenges, complexities and troubling elements of this relationship and these years. A few years ago, when our children were teens, we noted there were not many moms talking in blogs about teenage children. A few have since stepped up to the plate to discuss this difficult parenting time. Yet what gets in the way of this discussion may be concerns about privacy, with many teens likely voicing their lack of enthusiasm for being fodder for mom’s blog. Disclosures will be something we also need to think about as we talk about parenting young adult kids. We’re also interested in questions about defining a healthy committed parenting role as our children move into adulthood and autonomy. There are questions of whether they should...

Living with one’s adult children is tough territory. Period. The two comments that were posted to our blog arguing that kids can stay home ( Kids CAN live at home: it’s not a mocking matter! ) take interesting, yet opposite views. We want to first talk about the view of James, who speaks as a parent and developmental psychologist and the cultural preferences of American and British families to banish their children from their homes in order to “grow up” rather than do the emotional and difficult work of both modeling and offering support through the inevitable mistakes and set backs of young adulthood while living with their adult children. From my own experience, leaving home feeling the heels of my parents feet on my backside, I dared not ask for support in any way. I was now a “grown up”, an “adult”, who had internalized the expected self-reliance. Yet, feeling insecure and at times in need of parental support, I dared not ask for or rely upon it. As a mother, I knew early on th...