Mommy Blog Lines: Tal(k)ing Care

Hi all: We hope to find some of our new blogging friends here and there on blog sites. Where are you J.C. Little--what wonderful feminist/family animated work you do.Still, I wonder if anyone has ever been hurt by how you make them look, even if you think you have made them "pretty." This is the case with offensive words often, isn’t it? I have thought I said something that showcased the good side of a person, and they have pulled me up short by objecting, "Not me!" The first person we met at breakfast was Diana. How are you? Blogging busily and happily, we hope! Let’s connect on here, too–hear from you again! I love the irony of your blog title re momming being painless, when we know all too well the many pains and labours it provokes! But irony takes it, along with a long view and perhaps optimism! Then we met two charming mommy bloggers just toward the end of our conference–was it late Saturday? Shout out to Samantha and Allie, with thanks for your willin...

Greetings! It’s been a while since we've posted, but we’re back with some exciting news. We’ve been a little silent on our blog in the past because we’ve been thinking about the balance between sharing experiences and asking questions with respecting the autonomy of those who we may be talking about. We started our blog with a naive interest in sharing family stories. We quickly learned that to tell these stories meant telling on family members who might not always appreciate being talked about. To help us reflect on this ethical itch, we attended the BlogHer12 conference in NYC earlier this month. While it was immensely interesting and informative, it did not help us to resolve or find a resolution. Some speakers were carefully picking their way along the high road like Deb Rox, when she spoke about her commitment to guiding "the blogosphere into respect" at a session called "Blogging the Fine Line between your Identity and the Issues". Other speakers lik...

Hey SS. I’ve been thinking about how the reviews of Elisabeth Badinter’s latest book The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women which, as the Globe and Mail reports today, has caused "a motherlode of debate" ( http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/advice/more-advice/a-motherlode-of-debate ), and how there has been a fierce backlash in the press against her ideas, often by mothers and feminists. What is fascinating to me is the little analysis that’s offered about the minimal space and accommodation that’s made within capitalism and labour force arrangements for working parents, most particularly for mothers, to do the work of parenting. If families, and more specifically the lives and well-being of children, were at the center of our culture’s values and social mores, I believe the attention and work of parenting would be respected in a way that would translate into the respect and care for mothers that currently does not exist, and what I b...

Dearest FFF: Thank you for your thoughtful words. I LOVE the phrase same and different–for everything, actually (although generated to explain postmodern creativity). Our experiences are so much the same and different too. Thanks also for the book reference in particular–must fetch it!. I think for me the point that I take from your comments is the reminder that rather than rushing to harsh self judgement, one must see what one does in its positive potential. Caring too much has a down side, but may also open windows! Yes, yes! ( I am not a traditional person, but find I turn the light of traditional or conventional norms on myself all the time. This– I am starting to see–may be an Interesting strategy for always having a little sting on hand!!) Here is another troublesome thing I have caught myself at–long story short, an adult child friend of a daughter’s was living at home at age 30, working, not paying rent, and I had nerve to offer comment re “time to leave!” But the larger m...

As spring continues to bless us with its often warm and then chilly weather, I’m aware of my own thoughts about the threads you offered in your last two posts SS. I agree that there's a connection between how we reflect upon and write about questions of gender and identity and whether / how a child / person is out or not. I suggest that there is a need to always respect all of the folks who are part of a story, given that our lives are interconnected. And while some of the story may be ours, it is still partly, and possibly mostly, the story of the folks coming out. The conversations between and among folks about gender identity are perhaps more honourable when they are shared in private before any public presentation is made. I realize that there are times when this isn’t possible due to various reasons, however, I still believe that the experiences of all should be respected. Your insight into how students write about their parents in a familial autobiography and how they cam...

Truth is (I fear!) I’d do anything for my daughters. I just found out I did not put in a winning bid on a condo they wanted, that I offered to buy to rent to them. I was prepared to go for broke for it! I would have paid every last cent – actually jumped into debt! That is not fluid, but obsessive! I have found my thread: It’s hard to know when we pass the line of reasonable care and move into besotted devotion. It’s hard for me, anyway. Ah that phrase: live and learn! And then, once you pass over that line once, there you wondering without enough self-sense. Once you pass over, do you come back?

Hello and happy Easter FFF: Here is a thought, offered late on a sunny Thursday afternoon. What if we reflect on how this process of writing about adult children and questions of gender and identity differs (yet coalesces, too) depending if the "child" is out or not. If my child is out, is it my right / duty / even obligation to use my rhetorical and writing skills to explore and make known this process and experience. Is this implied by being "out." Or are there still areas that are not open, where there needs to be an exercise of discretion, where it is x's story and not mine. Alternately, if my children are not out–if they are having troubles with identity and growth-to what degree do I owe them silence? I cannot tell their stories as if they are mine? This term studying autobio / memoir I had students write about their parents–a familial autobiography. I wanted them to see/feel viscerally the effects of "telling about / on" others. Of course ...